Area man Timothy Berg, 70, has been called before the elder board to “explain his actions” after word got out that he’s just been put on the waiting list for a hip replacement. “I hear they might have ...

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith held a massive bonfire outside the provincial legislative building this week to destroy any remaining copies of the Constitution of Canada. “Had my goons find every copy ...

After an apparent gaff in running an ad that accurately represented Ronald Reagan’s views on tariffs, Ontario Premier Doug Ford is now asking the Blue Jays to “let them have this one,” in an effort to ...

A trucker’s convoy-worth of sunflower seeds are on their way to Toronto this week to meet the demand of baseball fans in the GTA. “We’re basically just having them dump it in Sankofa Square,” said ...

There was a rush to the local MCC this week to get used copies of the latest Taylor Swift album, after it was discovered that Abbotsford fans got a shout out on the title track. “Hey, Mrs.

After a series of highly popular rule changes this week, the Canadian Football League has unveiled a brand new logo modelled after Cracker Barrel. “We know how well that worked for them,” said league ...

Mennonites across Kansas were stirred into a frenzy this week after they heard that speeches were now free. “Even the thrift store doesn’t have free speech like this,” said Mr. Janzen. “I’ve never ...

Area man Earl Klassen is celebrating his birthday this week by consuming 67 pieces of plautz. “How old are you, Earl?” said friend Dave. “Are you 60 …6 or is it 7?” Earl proudly stated that not only ...

In the wake of Jimmy Kimmel’s recent cancellation, we’ve consulted a team of comedians and humourists from across the United States to make a list of completely safe jokes that won’t get you cancelled ...

A recent encounter with Radiohead’s seminal 1997 track “Let Down” on TikTok has spiralled Winkler-area Swiftie Melissa Sawatzky into a profound state of existential angst this week. “Never heard such ...

Area man Collin Penner, 41, recoiled in horror as he was handed the payment terminal at his local burger joint this Monday evening. “I tried to punch in the numbers quick and just get out of there, ...

When Jake Penner passed away in 2008, his wife Martha promptly had her own name added to the headstone in anticipation of her eventual demise. “But it’s been 17 years and I’m still kicking,” said Mrs.